The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 446
Production Info The Check-In Dr. Colbert is selling everything on two phones when His Jew Friend interrupts asking about Dr. Colbert's stocks. He is not having a tough day on the market, he is selling vintage phones! 320 salt water aquarium endangered fish. Tiger cubs, Ike and Tina, who fight. Dr. Colbert answers a ringing phone, "Jon Stewart's endangered fish and tiger cub warehouse..." Intro Tough Day On Wall Street * applause is like smelling salts in a weary world **Lehman Brothers **Merrill Lynch ** AIG * Alan Greenspan called it a once-in-a-century event ** like an eclipse * John McCain ** the fundamentals of the economy are strong *** we still exchange currency *** not barter **** 2 goats bushel of oranges * Gorlock assured Dr. Colbert he would diversify his portfolio * Dr. Colbert looks on his shelves for something to sell ** unautographed photograph of Rick Springfield *** $350,000 **** supplies are limited to the amount of toner Not A Fan Of Answers * neither does administration * Tonight's Word: How Dare You? * Dr. Colbert had to remind Senator Obama that ... ** McCain's running mate is Sarah Palin ** Palin is from Alaska ** Alaska's second largest city is Fairbanks ** Douglas Fairbanks is a silent movie star ** stars burn hydrogen into helium ** breathing helium makes your voice high ** high voices belong to women ** women wear lipstick *** ergo, Obama called Palin a pig! **** Proof Obama is sexist! Colbert Platinum This segment is for Platinum Members only. If you chew your own food, leave the room * Not many buyers for the Rick Springfield picture ** still has money on his boat in Galveston, Texas * trophy wives do not stay on the mantle ** Kate Moss golden statue *** expressive *** eats just a bit more than a supermodel * King picked his bried from 10,000 bare-breasted virgins, who paraded before him * perfect gift ** wraps gifts in uncut sheets of U.S. currency *** best gift ? a stack of Euros * Uncut sheet of $32 dollars is $55 * will dab his tears not with $100 bills, but Lehman Brothers stock Interview * Peter Gomes ** he got the idea for his book from the newly discovered TMZ scrolls * the scandal is he wants to sell books ** he is an honest man * believes The Bible is not definitive * there's a lot to be said of Jesus * Baptist minister, a member of the Baptist elite ** not a Southern Baptist, he's a Harvard Baptist * threatens our sense of well-being * Jesus opposed the status quo * Jesus was something of a maverick ** is Sarah Palin Mary Magdelen? * change is following the implications of what the law * modern churches are not engines of change * was baptized a Catholic and is still considered by Stephen to be one Epilogue * Dr. Colbert has good news, Comedy Central called and "The Colbert Report" has been picked up for another episode! * See you tomorrow! Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments